here it is. the end of the midterm. the hard time. the endless night. the thick books, papers, lines, and numbers that put a very heavy pressure on my head. but this is not the end. there is till many thing to be done. i am going to fix all my score. it is obvious that i am going to get not-so-good scores. i know that. i can value what  i have done during the midterm test. it is bad.

last afternoon, my mother called me. i missed the first one, the first call. i did not have the courage to to her that time. she called me again and that time i picked it. as what i have guessed before, she asked me about my UTS things. I told her, “saya lelah lahir dan batin, ma”. I honestly told her what I felt. It was a short conversation on the phone. I am going to call her again for a long conversation. I really need to talk to her, about many things.

i have to fix my score in order to pass this term, to stay at my college, and to keep my parents trust. I have been so lazy on studying. I have been a bad student for my lecturers, and have been not so engaged with my classmates. I spent too much wasting my time with no purpose.  I am sorry.

Last day, I was studying with my friends in my rented house. It was the last subject of the UTS. It was cost accounting. We red books, we wrote journals and reports, and we all messed with papers and books. I stopped for a while because my brain could not work anymore and could not accept more lessons anymore. I took wudhu. I did isya prayer and recited Al Quran. It was escape. I slept at three AM.

I know what to do. I will take more time to study. I will fight my laziness and procrastination. I will raise my hand in the class to speak up and ask a question for getting scores from my lecture. I will practice my accounting skill. I catch my subuh pray. I will do the regular joggings. I will write-off the disturbing worries in my head. I will start again. I will do better. I will learn and rise again. I will do anything to fix what I have broken.

There are 5 days before getting back to campus and do all my self-promises. There are 5 days to refresh my mind. I am going to have a vacation to Bandung with my classmates. We are going to spend three days in a nice villa near a lake and tea garden in Bandung. Happy Holiday, all STAN students :)