27.1.13

Getting back "Home”

I am sitting in a nice bench in Cengkareng airport now. Just some minutes ago this area was cleaned perfectly. I came with a cup of Milo, and I accidentally made the cup fell in the floor making the floor looks not really nice. Haha

I am going home this morning. I took an early travel from Bintaro to the airport because I want to enjoy quality time with my self, thinking about my life, revise what I have planned, making new plan, and just sitting and calm my self. I do these while waiting for my flight (schedule at 5 AM).

As what I have written in the previous post, I am getting fine, but sometimes I am in pain again. I torture my self for keeping this pain in my own self. I am skeptic, disappointed, in anger, self-destructive, sad, and frustrated. I am so sorry for being to hones that I have told you about unpleasant feeling I have. It makes me sound to one who always complain. I feel guilty for telling my best friends all my unpleasant experience. I want to make this depressed phase as history. I want to end this. I want to share them good stories on my own more than ever, not troubles I just made (again). The process is actually good. Alhamdulillahirabbilalamin.

I enjoy my reading, my sole study with Accounting Theory and financial statement analysis, my religious time in Uswatun Hasanah Mosque, enjoying little time with some friends when they come to my space (my room at Nako street, Pondok Jaya, Bintaro). I enjoy it.

I am grateful for supportive existence around me. My father just sent me extra money. I asked him to send money again because I made some mistakes in managing my expenses. I spent too much money this month. I am grateful that my parents can always support my financial needs. They always give more than how much I actually need, which also bring harmful to my self because I spent it unwisely and I got spoiled. I thank Allah for giving so many blesses for us. Dad’s business is quite productive and my mother mature career could also support extra income for the family.

I got a best friend with whom I always share my problem. We share our problem quite often. We are kind of two people who got the same problem: too worry, too many complaints, and frustrated. We know what to do, we gave it a try, but mostly ended up the same. Sometimes, we made them funny and just laughed about it. A song from Bombay Bicycle Club: Always Like This, matches this mixed feeling.

Wow! So, let’s just get home. I had written ever before, that home is not just about a place, it’s about people that makes you feel comfort and safe. This time, let me add new definition to add to the last ones: home is when we find again ourselves after feeling beaten up by life changes. It’s home.

Let’s get home. Let’s just get rested. Let’s revise the plan. Let’s take a look where we’ve done it wrong.  Let’s pray. Let’s remember the kindness of life and come back with new spirit. Insya Allah.

Have a good day!

Makassar

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