Sam Wahyudi

Afternoon

2012-01-31T18:24:00.005+07:00

A Little Peace in my afternoon. A comfort feeling. That's what I am having now. I am glad. I have been drowning for many days to the tiring thoughts of my final. I am so afraid of being unable to pass the final. I think of final everytime. It's tiring. I stopped and I felt everything were comforting. No matter what.

I think of my flight back to Makassar, in a comfort aircraft seat, watching the sky. I think of my loved ones, think of my family and my bestfriends. I think of my dreams. I think of my favorite stuff. I think of Allah. They always give me all the strenght. Those all I need to go trough all this final matters. I got the crack.

Alhamdulillah.

Now, the sunlight is fading. Harmonie du Soir.

Hijrah

2012-01-28T23:33:00.001+07:00

Happy birthday to Nur Hijrah Ahmadi. I sincerely wish you all the best. Looking forward to seeing you! Happy 19th! :)

p.s. I wish could see you now.

Jalan-jalan Sore

2012-01-27T00:42:00.001+07:00

It was very happy for me to get together again with Aldy and Dita. The last time we met was last year and we met twice. We three were classmates in junior high school. We got along so well. Having graduated the junior high school, Dita moved to Depok with her parents. Now, we live in different cities.

Aldy had just arrived from Makassar. He is going to participate in one of his Djarum scholarship programmes. He’s got two days free before going to Lembang for the programs. During the two days, Aldy stayed in Bintaro, my place. In his first free day, I, Aldy, and Dita set a time to meet. We’re going to have a good time.

In the afternoon, I and Aldy arrived in Dita’s campus, Universitas Indonesia. I am happy to be with Dita and Aldy. It was a good afternoon. We wandered around the campus. We exchanged personal news and stories. Off course, I shared them about my college life that is a bit difficult nowadays. But, everything is fairly all right. We also had mie yamin FIB next to faculty of social and politic parking lot. We wished we could spend more time together. But, it’s already night, I and Aldy worried about the train schedule and Dita, so we decided to leave and go home. It’s just a short meeting. But, we’re lucky to have the chance to get together. I’m looking forward to having another good time with them again. Yes, It was fun.

Ascension

2012-01-22T14:30:00.001+07:00

Ingin Bingar Aku Mau Di Pasar!

2012-01-18T21:55:00.001+07:00

Absolutely

2012-01-18T18:18:00.001+07:00

Kinda in rush. Trying to heal my procrastination. Trying to understand the accounting matters with my tired cerebra. Trying not to feel nothing. Trying to lift my feeling with good memories. studying and worrying makes me in tense, sometimes. But, like one says, we can make it easy :) So, let’s make it easy!

Coffee, calculator, books, used up pen, syllabi.

Final

2012-01-18T18:04:00.001+07:00

The following is my schedule for final examination. I study everyday for that. Everything is monotonous but all right.

Monday	February 6, 2012	11.00-13.30	Ekonomi Makro
Tuesday	February 7, 2012	11.00-13.30	Perpajakan I
Wednesday	February 8, 2012	11.00-13.30	Sistem Infomasi Akuntansi
Thursday	February 9, 2012	11.00-13.30	Akuntansi Keuangan Menengah I
Friday	February 10, 2012	14.00-16.00	Lab. Akuntansi Keuangan Menengah I
Monday	February, 13 2012	11.00-13.30	Akuntansi Pemerintah I
Tuesday	February 14, 2012	11.00-13.30	Akuntansi Biaya

Bimillahirrahmanirrahim. Wish me finish them well :)

Failure

2012-01-16T12:07:00.001+07:00

Sometimes, we intend to help others but we just burden them instead.

AB-Costing

2012-01-15T16:32:00.001+07:00

When I got up this morning, it was raining. I waited until it got drizzle. Then, I walked to a food stall to buy some chocolate, bread, and breakfast. I got back to my room and then had the breakfast. Having finished our breakfast, I and Zakris got prepared to study. At 10 AM we studied with the help of Kak Aldi. He is a third-year student of Taxation specialization in STAN. He taught us cost Accounting. It was so helpful because now I can understand AB Costing. It is one of the subject in cost accounting. He teaches so well. He is going to teach us for two weeks (or maybe more) starting this Sunday. He teaches cost accounting, intermediate accounting, and taxation I. It was really helpful. I got frustrated, now I feel lift up. I will keep studying.

I red some tips to to improve concentration. One of the tips is to take a walk in the middle of the day. So, in the noon, after studying break, I and Zakris took a walk. We walked to the newspaper stall then back to our rented house. It took about 20 minutes long. I read newspaper regularly since early January. It’s food for thought.

All right :)

Staying Cool

2012-01-13T19:43:00.001+07:00

We got error score for Cost Accounting, seriously. It’s critical. We got to do our best performance in next final test. The final will be held in the earlier February. There are seven subjects. We need to succeed.

We have time. We study everyday. Every night, every time we just study. When we don't study, we think about studying. We make plans. We hold the text books tightly. We are going to hire a tutor to teach us Cost Accounting, Intermediate Accounting, and Tax. The tutor will first teach us this Sunday.

We need to fix our bedtime. We want to sleep earlier. We don't want to stay up in the night anymore. We will do everything to master all the subjects for final.

We are in tense. But, we are not losing our mind. We stay cool. We do the best we can. Insya Allah, we will transcend.

For the sake of our future, we do and hope for the best.

Home

2012-01-12T00:45:00.001+07:00

I like that. Hanging down.

My father in blue batik shirt.

Toro, the family cat, and my mother. Toro asked for the chicken curry.

Playing in the living room. My mother and Toro slept together. In the other night, I sleep with my parents and Toro. In my parents’ room.

In Zakris’s Daddy’s Place

2012-01-05T02:18:00.000+07:00

It was Wednesday. We headed to west Jakarta. Zakris felt painful in his chest. We needed to see a doctor. Zakris’s daddy asked Zakris to come to his place. Om Sarkoro is currently staying in one of hotels near his office. So, we met him there. We got there by motorcycle. It was the first time for me to ride motorcycle in Jakarta city.

In the afternoon, I, Zakris, and his dad went down to the lower floor to see the doctor. We thought the pain came from the lung. But, the doctor said it was from Zakris’s stomach. There’s nothing to worry about the his lung.

Afternoon In The Sky

2011-12-27T02:01:00.001+07:00

My father called me. My Mother is not okay, she has been in the hospital for several days. He asked me to go back to Makassar. The following night, I met Aldy, my older brother, in Jakarta's airport. Then, we headed to Makassar. We arrived home and my mother got better and better. The following day, we even went to the beach. It was raining and the waves are pretty hard. But, we kept swimming. I and Abrar likes to play with the waves.

Aldy

Aldy went back to Jakarta earlier. He headed to Bandung. I thought I would spend my days in Makassar until the holiday of campus is over. But, I remember that I have to study for UAS. So, I back to Jakarta in rush. It started so terrible. I thought I had missed my flight. I ran to the boarding room. Actually the flight was late.
I spent the entire afternoon in the sky. It was beginning of new year. I got good feeling about that. I was happy to welcome the new days! During the flight, beside reading and watching the sky trough the window, I wrote my resolutions for this new year. There are a lot of them, but I humbly wish to be a calmer and more religious person.

Recent Instagrams

2011-12-01T03:19:00.000+07:00

Reflection

2011-11-30T02:52:00.001+07:00

here it is. the end of the midterm. the hard time. the endless night. the thick books, papers, lines, and numbers that put a very heavy pressure on my head. but this is not the end. there is till many thing to be done. i am going to fix all my score. it is obvious that i am going to get not-so-good scores. i know that. i can value what i have done during the midterm test. it is bad.

last afternoon, my mother called me. i missed the first one, the first call. i did not have the courage to to her that time. she called me again and that time i picked it. as what i have guessed before, she asked me about my UTS things. I told her, “saya lelah lahir dan batin, ma”. I honestly told her what I felt. It was a short conversation on the phone. I am going to call her again for a long conversation. I really need to talk to her, about many things.

i have to fix my score in order to pass this term, to stay at my college, and to keep my parents trust. I have been so lazy on studying. I have been a bad student for my lecturers, and have been not so engaged with my classmates. I spent too much wasting my time with no purpose. I am sorry.

Last day, I was studying with my friends in my rented house. It was the last subject of the UTS. It was cost accounting. We red books, we wrote journals and reports, and we all messed with papers and books. I stopped for a while because my brain could not work anymore and could not accept more lessons anymore. I took wudhu. I did isya prayer and recited Al Quran. It was escape. I slept at three AM.

I know what to do. I will take more time to study. I will fight my laziness and procrastination. I will raise my hand in the class to speak up and ask a question for getting scores from my lecture. I will practice my accounting skill. I catch my subuh pray. I will do the regular joggings. I will write-off the disturbing worries in my head. I will start again. I will do better. I will learn and rise again. I will do anything to fix what I have broken.

There are 5 days before getting back to campus and do all my self-promises. There are 5 days to refresh my mind. I am going to have a vacation to Bandung with my classmates. We are going to spend three days in a nice villa near a lake and tea garden in Bandung. Happy Holiday, all STAN students :)

In the middle of midterm

2011-11-22T13:24:00.001+07:00

Hello.

It is a rainy day. The sky was silver grey. The ground was drenched. The air was cold. Having finished my business in campus, I ran in the shower of drizzles to get to my rented house.

Indonesia got two seasons, dry and rain. I like both. But, I will prefer rainy days for the peaceful feeling it brings. My friend told me he likes afternoon rain because it reminds him of his favourite school football matches in which he played.

It’s a peaceful day. I wish everyone a good day.

...

I am now in third semester of my academic program. I will have to finish six semesters before graduating from my college. I am currently facing my midterm examinations. The examination will be held in 7 days.

I and my classmate got room I309 for this event. The examination started last day. It was macroeconomics. I had finished both macroeconomics and taxation examination already. The following is my schedule for the exam.

Macroeconomics	Monday, Nov. 21
Taxation I	Tuesday, Nov. 22
Accounting Information System	Wednesday, Nov. 23
Intermediate Accounting	Thursday, Nov. 24
Laboratory Intermediate Accounting	Friday, Nov. 25
Governmental Accounting	Monday, Nov. 28
Cost Accounting	Tuesday, Nov. 29

The Examination so far is not too bad. The first subject, macroeconomics, was quite difficult. I could not answer the problems of that examination well. I am really sorry for that. However, I am still optimistic to get good final score for macroeconomics this semester :)

This morning I had the taxation I. It was not too bad. Many of things I learned were included in the tests. I, Cahya, Zakris, Iman, and Ardi studied together last night and we barely slept at 4 AM this morning! But, it is quite worth in the exam. Studying in such way is tiring. It is like, sleeping and daydreaming in the classrooms for eight weeks and catch all the matters of the lecture in only one night. It is horribly bad studying style. I want to change it. Oh yes, I would change it, starting after midterm!

I am actually not ready in all subjects. I am afraid of getting expelled from my college. I have to get adequate grade point to pass this term. I am required to get at least 2,4 of grade point and not to get any D point at accounting classes. I have to do my best. I have to study as hard as I can for this examination. And, I am looking forward to fixing my bad habits and to becoming one of active students in my class. I am looking forward to spending more time practicing my accounting skills and to managing my time better . Looking forward to facing the new academic weeks after midterm test and then to be a good student.

All right. Insya Allah.

Was Salam! :)

Decision

2011-11-21T20:11:00.003+07:00

I wish I could back to August 2010. I would change one of my crucial decisions at that time. And, I would not have been here. Just, sorry about that. But, life must go on. Looking back makes only sorry feeling. I am sorry
.
The lesson is to listen to your heart when making decision. To follow your dream and believe in it. Sometimes, I realize, I don't really need to listen to other’s advices. Because I am the one who knows who I am, what I want, and how I would be happy. I understand what I am looking for better than any others.

If I could back to that time, I would listen to my deep desires, follow my dream and passion. But, I should not look back like this :) Perhaps, this is not the best for me, but the best for others, my family and my friends.

SAM and BPP

2011-11-19T10:33:00.001+07:00

Next year, I am going to visit Singapore Art Museum and visit my family in Balikpapan city, Kalimantan :) Insya Allah :)

Life

2011-11-18T20:44:00.001+07:00

my current life. i usually sleep at 2 or 3 AM. I got up hardly and catch my class. most of my class started at 10 PM or 11 PM. They are cost accounting, accounting information system, governmental accounting, and laboratorial intermediate accounting class. The morning classes are tax at 7.30 and macroeconomics. In the day on Friday, I attend intermediate accounting class at 1.20 PM.

I always late for all classes. It is a bad habit. I could hardly concentrate during the lecture time. Almost every time, I only sit and listen to my lecturers. Some time, not often, I take a note on the lecture matters.

It looks like I relapsed. In the previous academic year, I don't always late. I was so diligent at taking notes, write every important matters of my lecture. I also could understand the matters of lecture quiet easily. except, for the principle accounting subject. after all, my first year was smooth and under control.

i really need to adjust my self to the current academic year. the subjects are less easy. many says, it is hard. but, hard is inappropriate word. we can say so if we tried to do it but failed many times. that is hard. i never tried my best at this current term. i just do it with minimum effort, because i am not so diligent right now. i have problems with time management and needed a bit more motivation to study harder. i lack of sleep. i wasted many times for less useful things.

it is good to live in this house. it is a best place to take rest after attending college. i have many books in my room. my housefriends also have many books. good books to enrichen knowledge. i wanna spend more time reading book in the house, but found it a bit hard. i am easily distracted by another media. I should control my time to do more beneficial things.

i have weekly mentoring meeting. it is time to refresh my mind religious matters, wisdom, and personal development. it is a time to recite al-Quran with my mentoring group and discuss about many things, or listen to my mentor short lecture. it always good to gather up like that. i am grateful to join my mentoring group. I personally thank Mas Sadimin for all the lessons and my bestfriend who have invited me to join the mentoring group several months ago, and for all my mentoring mates.

life is good. but, i could make it better. I will :)

Friends Lane

2011-11-17T20:03:00.001+07:00

I, Cahya, and Zakris just took this photo, this afternoon. We took this by using instagram application. We entitled the photo “Friends Lane”. It was one of instagrams I and Zakris already did. I really like the colors tone of instagram photos. They’re so good and beautiful!

you stop making sense

2011-11-10T12:21:00.000+07:00

You Can

2011-11-10T01:25:00.001+07:00

This is also one of my favorite songs. It is sung by Body Language. In the song, actually, they sing “You Can Stop!”. But, somehow it sounds like they are singing “You Can, Sam!”. :)

Talamak

2011-11-10T01:02:00.001+07:00

One of my favorite movie sound tracks

2011-11-10T00:50:00.001+07:00

This song comes from War of Buttons which is one my favorite childhood movie, beside Lost in Space.

My Sore Throat

2011-11-10T00:42:00.001+07:00

Today, I slept extremely late. I got up at nine and I felt weak. I still needed to sleep. But, I must attend my cost accounting class at 10 AM. Having arrived in the classroom, I picked a chair in the back of the class to avoid direct interaction with my lecturer. I always feel vulnerable in the cost accounting class. I can hardly understand the subject. Being in such class makes me feel like a stranger, like I am so stupid.

It is all my mistake. I should study harder so I could understand cost accounting. I should listen carefully to my lecturer’s explanation. I should not stay up at night. Staying up at night makes me lacking of sleep which lead to being sleepy afterward. I should try harder.

I said that I had bone-fever symptoms. I thought it was bone-fever. But, I found that it is not bone-fever. I have sore throat. The pain is not just in the throat itself. It feels painful in my whole body, and also make me have terrible headache. Several hours ago, I have taken the medicine I got from a clinic. I went to a doctor clinic and the doctor gave me some medicine for my throat and my fever.

All right, let’s get better everyday :)

Thoughts of Midterm Examinations

2011-11-09T03:58:00.001+07:00

I am having bone-fever symptoms. It always happens when I am so tired. But, this one is mild. But, I will recover. And, all I have to think about is my midterm examination.

I still have many times to get prepared for my midterm examination. I am lucky that I have all the supporting factors. My family, my friends, my lecturers, my classmates, and books. They would help me go trough this second academic year in my college safely.

Fear sometimes attack me. That I would not do it well. I ever red. Fear is fake evidence appearing real. Yes, fear is. So why fear?

Now, it is getting closer and closer to the date of the UTS. I can face this. I can finish this well. I always make it. Insya Allah.

I know, I can change this all. I am changing to a better one. I know it’s hard. But, I can.

“Life is not a problem you should solve, it is a trip you should enjoy”

Meeting Aya

2011-11-02T01:13:00.003+07:00

I met Aya. She just came from Makassar. She arrived here last day. She comes to Bintaro to report herself in STAN secretariat. Last academic year, she had to take a break because she got vertigo. She is going back to college. But, she is not going to study in STAN Bintaro. Happily, she will study in Makassar. She will continue her one-year tax diploma education there. Alhamdulillah :)

In the afternoon, I contacted Helmi, Abe, Fita, and Bimo to get together with Aya. We met up in Ponjay and we dined in a close eatery. It was delight. Aya is a good friend of mine. She is a happy girl and she can make everyone around her happy too, like smile or laugh.

She wears hijab now. She said this time it will be forever. Good :)

All right, she is going back to Makassar next day and I would not have a chance to met her once again. But, from over the sea, I always wish she is doing great! :)

Untitled

2011-11-01T02:04:00.002+07:00

Panic

2011-11-01T01:40:00.001+07:00

Last day, I and some friends, like almost every night, stayed up in the night. We were playing, wasting time badly. We did it until around 2 AM. We’re sleepy enough so we decided to sleep. Two of us have a class to attend that morning. I was one of them. I have Tax class at 7.30. I was asleep then. I had a dream. It was a bad one. It is related to my college passage announcement. I was in stake. I was scared. I suddenly got awake. I was still lying, recalling my dreams and was between the transition from dream to real world. I lied next to my two friends who were still sleeping. I spot the clock at it was almost 8 AM! I was late.

I run to the bed room. I washed my face. I run to my room, changing my clothes. I put on my white shirt, long pant, and my brown shoes. I ran to my campus with panic feeling. It is not casual late. It was so dangerous. Dangerous! I have skipped Tax class once. If I skip that class again, I would be in stake. For some cases, I could be expelled by the authority of the college.

I walked fast. I headed to the class. But, I forgot the classroom! I checked my handphone. I found that I was out of pulse, I cant use it to contact my one of my classmates in the room. It makes me more panic.

I eventually found the classroom, still with scared feeling. I entered the room. I greeted the lecturer. He didn’t say anything and kept writing his explanation on the whiteboard to the class. I found a chair and sit.

Luckily, the lecturer has not done the ‘absen’ yet. It calmed my feeling. I listened him for half-hour before fall asleep. I slept in the classroom. The class felt so short that morning.

I am so grateful. My classmate told me that when I did not attend the class of Tax, two weeks ago, my first ‘skipping-the-class’. I was marked attended. So, I should not be so panic. Ah :) I am grateful. I am safe.

the Radio Department

2011-11-01T01:15:00.001+07:00

I just found this music band. The Radio Department. At first time listen to one of their songs, I just feel click. I like their music. I like the vocal. It gives me easy feeling. It has unique composition. It is calm and good. It is said that this band genre is shoegaze and dream pop. They are also indie pop. Most of the songs in the ‘Clinging to A Scheme’ are worth to listen. But, I really like ‘Heaven’s on Fire’ and ‘You Stopped Making Sense’.

Easy feeling

2011-10-31T00:48:00.001+07:00

Last day, I got an easy feeling. Alhamdulillah. I studied Accounting Information System, and felt satsified that I did it. I did it with my friends in my room. Radio Department is cool!

Sleepy

2011-10-29T16:24:00.001+07:00

It is hard to start studying. The books are thick, so comprehensive, need extra-careful reading. I don't understand Intermediate accounting. I could only understand its conceptual framework. I should have understood to make financial statement. I don’t understand cost accounting. I don't understand Governmental Accounting. Oh, please. I should have studied now, but I am sleepy.

I have always been sleepy. I am sleepy all the time. I am sleepy everywhere. I am sleepy during the lecture class, when I am walking, when I am eating, when I am in the house, any where, any time.

Coffee does not really work and I had taken enough sleep. But, I am still sleepy.

Daily Photos

2011-10-29T06:18:00.001+07:00

Photos were taken in our rented house.

Oskar Barnack

2011-10-29T05:57:00.001+07:00

Oskar Barnack Award projection - Arles 2010 from Leica Camera on Vimeo.

Wishlist #1

2011-10-29T05:34:00.001+07:00

If I have enough money, I’d like to get these things.

A Watch
A Running Shoes
A Snare Drum
A Camera
A Tablet Computer

Going to Study

2011-10-29T04:50:00.001+07:00

There are still three weeks left before the midterm examination. I have not understood any matter of this term study. Therefore, I am going to study devotedly.

rain

2011-10-28T10:46:00.001+07:00

‘’Wake up at noon to hear the rain. It's a frame that suits me fine. No pressure now to achieve anything by above average speed. So I turn the music on and I turn it off to leave more space for thoughts’’

erlend oye

Tragedi Jeng Jeng

2011-10-22T04:07:00.000+07:00

Peristiwa yang mengegerkan ini terjadi pada tanggal 20 Oktober 2011. Tersangka utama adalah Zakris dan Ardi. Saya pun ikut membantu dengan senang hati. Korban utama adalah Rahmat sementara korban sampingan adalah Mama Rahmat.

Good Morning

2011-10-15T04:16:00.001+07:00

It is morning. I am in my rented house. Beside me, there are my friends lying asleep on the carpet. Some are snoring. I have not slept. I stayed awake all night until this morning.

It is a good morning because I am starting everything all over again.

I am leaving my bad thoughts. I am leaving my useless thoughts and worries. There will be no laziness. There will be no sadness. I will live better starting this morning :)

2.40

2011-10-15T02:44:00.002+07:00

i dont know when this gonna ends. it hurts to keep this in my head. it feels even more hurt when i think about it again, and again, and again, over and over again.i am tired. i have got some ideas to stop this. but ideas seem so hard to apply in the real world. so, i just hope i can end this and enjoy this. yes, this is absurd.

Tertawa sampai nangis

2011-10-15T02:33:00.001+07:00

Kemarin malam, saya bisa tertawa sampai nangis. Overwhelming, like being in the airport.

Untitled

2011-10-14T15:17:00.001+07:00

There are words that should not be said, be written, or in any way be emitted from my mind. There are things that I should have been done. There are many times that I wasted only to think about past time and it is not changing everything. I sat, took my coffee and ciggies, started to think, and nothing was changing. I should look ahead and face things in front of me. I have to struggle and endure the pain if it exists. I have to stop thinking about the same thoughts over-and-over-again everyday and start out the day. It is useless and I am tired of it. The world out there is waiting. It is a big road and I’ve got to drive my vehicle.

A Little Report

2011-10-14T14:45:00.001+07:00

My new place is convenient. It is good to be here, a house I and three friends rented. I have got a spacious room here. It’s got a window that showers all the corners with light from outside. The water is good. The environment is quiet enough. We have got a a small TV in our living room. We set a wireless internet connection to make the house more convenient. The guest room functions as a spare room to keep our shoes, baggage, Cahya’s bicycle, and unused bed. We spread two carpets in the living room, next to a three small tables on which we put the water dispenser, glasses, coffee pot, sugar pot, tea box, medicine, etc. It makes the living room become the lounge to get relax and amused.

My new class is good. It is better than I expected. The classmates are kind. The lectures are good. Some of them likes to make us play game during the their teaching time. One lecture even told us it is okay to sleep in the class. Some likes to tell us jokes. One of the lectures will not stop explaining about tax until we convince them that we already understand. It is good to have pleasant new classmates and lecturers. We will stay work, study, and cooperate at least until we finish this third semester safely.

Taking my Time

2011-10-14T14:16:00.001+07:00

I am not sure what is happening to me. I have skipped three classes this week. Last week, I skipped one class. Totally, I have skipped four classes of lectures. It is so hard to me to get up and walk to the classes. I understand what I am doing. It is a bit dangerous. Attending classes are really crucial because when students in my college have skipped three times for a subject, they are not allowed to go the midsemester test or final semester test. Being not allowed to do the tests means that you are expelled from the college. Well, I don't want such thing happen to me.

My status as student of this college is so precious to me. It is hard to get into this college. It is highly competitive. I feel guilty that I have skipped four classes already. I did it because I need to refresh my mind. I need to get relax. I need to find more motivations to go to the class.

While I am writing this post, many things are happening. My classmates of 2E are attending Pak Margono’s Intermediate Accounting class. Thoughts in my mind are being tamed, well I wish so. I feel so guilty. But, this skipping the class is essentials to me to rebuild my motivation of studying. I am going to attend all the classes, starting next week.

Untitled

2011-10-12T15:26:00.000+07:00

Great Times

2011-10-10T23:43:00.001+07:00

I have many things to share here. I had great times during my holiday, should have posted the details here. I gathered with my family – having lots of delight time, met my friends – it was so fun to be. Having returned to Jakarta, I ended my holiday by attending a music concert. Great times!

with my family and eventually going to akkarena beach again, with my family, of course.

schoolmates gathering

playing around the town with IMAMmates

in kak Ahlul’s room a.k.a Masjid Al-Amri, one of best places to hangout

picture of me, fitt, and kak ahlul. i look funny.

taking a walk in makassar’s municipals spot with Wanda, Aulia, and Ical in a sunny bright day

attending linkin park’s spectacular concert with zakris and mas ryan

Stagnant

2011-10-10T21:24:00.001+07:00

Sometimes in the rush of your daily life, you stop for a while and think, seriously. I do it very often. I am thinking about myself. It is sad that the thing I realize is that I, perhaps, have taken a big wrong decision. Sometimes, I conclude that I don't belong here.

Last semester, my principle accounting lecturer gave me a standard score for the subject which is below the average of most students get. I know I am not good enough at accounting. I don’t understand it very well. I am not stupid, it is just hard for me to deal with accounting. Very often, I think I have taken wrong major.

I envy students of Universities. Many of the students are very active, dynamic, experts on their study field, and get many achievements. My campus is owned by Ministry of Finance. Students in my campus are educated to become ready-to-work employee in Ministry of Finance offices. There are not many options for me here to do beside studying. I admit that during my study in STAN, I don’t develop myself well. I tend to be stagnant.

Perhaps, I should not be here. I wrote this and for the first time, I hope what I wrote is wrong. In many points of view, I am clearly wrong about this.

Animal

2011-10-04T19:08:00.000+07:00

I am an animal. I am hurt. I am crying. I am fed up. I hope I can negotiate with my mind, with my brain, my thinking, my thoughts, and everything that involves in creating great pain I am suffering. everything is just nothing. Please, stop this. Give me back life that I want. I want go escape to an island. To a remote place. far from all this terrible things. my terrible thoughts.
I hope I can control my thoughts. It feels like I am gonna trapped in this circumstances for a log time. Well,, its been a long time. I need a cure. A cure. Heal me. Heal me. Save me. Please.

Everytime I need you, I feel like I am bleeding from my eyes. I cry.

Lebaran!

2011-09-01T14:17:00.000+07:00

Alhamdulillahirabbilalamin.

Last day, we had Lebaran day. Having done the Idul Fitri prayer, I and my family went to our grandparents’ house in Pelita. We visited Nenek, Abah, Om and Tante Jaya, and my cousins, Aufi and Pulki. We had many food. There were opor ayam, manu nasu likkua, burasa, ketupat, and other delicious food. Then, we all went to our family house in Maros. The car was full of this famlily. I had coto makassar there! My stomach was very full. We back to my house in the afternoon. In the evening, after magrib, Aldy and Ulla visited me in the house. Then, we three went out for dinner and ice ream. I was happy that we could celebrate the Idul fitri. I actually feel regret about the leaving of Ramadan month. But, that’s all right. Lebaran is a time to face the new day of 1 Syawal and to gather with family and friends. I enjoyed it a lot.

Well, I promise to do all the things in my life better starts from 1 Syawal. Insya Allah.

Me! I look as happy as my heart. Haha

My brothers, Aldy and Abrar. My parents. Me

The Last Times / Let it Slide

2011-08-04T01:24:00.001+07:00

I am reaching the end. I am going to home soon. My father is going to Jakarta today for a meeting. He is going to fly this early morning. I want him to visit me here in Bintaro, but he will go back to Makassar at night in the same day. But, that’s all right, I will meet him soon when he and my mother and my brother pick me up in airport next Saturday morning.

All right. I am sad about several things. They have been spinning in my head for about several days, but that’s all right. everything’s going to be all right. let it slide. I am doing good with Ramadan. I am doing the fasting welll and I have not missed any tarawih pray in the night in the mosque of Ponjay, Uswatun Hasanah. That’s good. Today is the last day of UAS. Ah, finally. It is good :)

“flying in the speed of light, thoughts were spinning in my head, so many things left unsaid”

Akuntansi

2011-07-31T10:57:00.001+07:00

I should study now. The books and all the matters of Akuntansi are in front of me. But, I feel like want to do something else. I am not really nervous, perhaps it is because my accounting lecturer, Bu Keke, has promised my class that there will be remedial. But, I should not feel free like this now. It is better to make good score for Akuntansi. I know I am wasting my time and I should not do this. All Right, after this I will study devotedly. Really really devotedly.

I think I will really move from ponjay to another place. I, Zakris, and some class mates are planning to rent a house near the campus. I think it will be efficient to live near the campus and I think I can save some money because the living cost there are lower than in pondok jaya. We have not found the house. We are going to look for the house soon. I hope we can find a good one and I hope it will be fun to live in.

Last night, I was in my mentoring meeting. There are so many things, and so many lessons from Kak Sadimin, my mentor. One of them is about preparing for Ramadan month. I realized that I am not really ready for Ramadan month. I am happy for the coming of Ramadan but i have not prepared my self. But I want to do the fasting well, not just hold my self from eating and drinking but trying to find the meaning of the fasting itself. I also want to khatam Al-Quran at least one time in Ramadan. I don't want to miss too many tarawih in mosque. The most important is I want to get close to Allah and clean my heart.

All right :)

Bimillahirrahmanirrahim :)

my home, my family, and my friends there in makassar, i am going home soon :)

walking

2011-07-29T23:50:00.001+07:00

i just arrived home. i just took a walk. sometimes stop for coffee, some ciggies, and sarsaparila. all by myself. i just need a stop. i want to get relaxed. but, i find almost everything cant work. thats why i decided to take a walk. i walk about two kilometres. cars, pedagang kaki lima, restaurants, coffee shop on bintaro main roads I passed them all. I dont know what i was actually looking for. i just need an escape.

i don't feel satisfied with what i am doing, or what i am having now. the uas things also gives me a lot pressure. but, that's all right. that's the consequence of being student in STAN. every lecture class and examinations are really important. you cant be really free.

accounting is the next thing that i have to worry. i should not study alone. well, tomorrow i should catch some friends to study with. yes, my friend was right, its better to study in a group. but, can i really do that? i always believe i can do the study by myself. i trust my competence. but, perhaps i cant really do that this way anymore. i need some discuss.

for some reasons, i think of moving to another place. i like living in pondok jaya. but, i want to try living in another neighborhood. i am a little bit confused. i also worry. will i like the new place?

then, i almost reach the end. i will go home soon. soon.

Missing friends

2011-07-26T16:14:00.001+07:00

I reveiced texts from my friend, Amma. I miss her,a lot. I miss many of my friends, in makassar.

A: Miss u sillybank.. Hahaha. Me: I miss you too..;-( miss miss you a lot… A: I miss u a truck… Me:I miss you a something-bigger-than-truck :-D. A: Miss ur haircut a hrcules plane.. Hahahaha. Me: Hahaha. I miss you a sulawesi-island :-D

Just Keep Walking

2011-07-26T13:46:00.001+07:00

Having finished Islam examination today, I walked around campus today, with a friend. We had easy conversation. While waiting for the library to open, we were walking around the campus. The sky was bright, the sun warms my skin. such weather is perfect for me.

I am currently have several things in my head. Some of them occurs as problems for me. But, I think I don't need to be sad. I will just keep walking. There are many things ahead me. Just don’t look back very often. Just keep walking. Things always change.

Deciding to do it on your own? that’s okay, partner. I have to understand that. People change and I have to accept that. Just keep walking. As Kak Rijal told me, just let it flows.

All right :)

Studying

2011-07-25T01:41:00.001+07:00

I just finished studying introductory tax. It has many matters. I and my best partner, Zakris, split the matters into two. Zakris would learn the four first matters and I would take the rest ones. I just finished studying my parts. After tax, micro will be the next one. It is rather difficult. But, I am sure I can handle it. Then, accounting will be much challenging.

Tomorrow will be the first UAS. I will keep studying devotedly. Please support me by praying. Hahaha.

You Can by Body Language

Cars!

2011-07-24T01:52:00.000+07:00

Last day, I went to Indonesia International Motor Show. The cars are amazing. I’d like to have a jeep car! :)

The Last Class

2011-07-21T15:26:00.002+07:00

The lecture is over. This noon’s microeconomics class with Pak Jasril is the last class of this second term. So, there will be no classes to attend. I think no more sleeping in the class for me. Hahaha. But, it is not over yet. I still have exams ahead. I will have laboratorium akuntansi exam tomorrow. In the next two weeks, l am going to have final examination. I have eight subjects. They are microeconomics, Islam, management, intro-tax, principle of accounting, lab. of accounting, civics, and civil law. I have to study well to succeed this exam. I believe I can finish this well and going back home on August 6 with smile.

I need to spend more time with studying now. Wish me luck!
Have a good day!

How I Am

2011-07-15T17:29:00.001+07:00

Hello :)

Everything is going quite well. I am going to have my final exam. It will start on July 26 and it will end on August 4th. I have not mastered all my lecture material but I am working on it. I am preparing myself so I can succeed in the final exam. For today and the following days, I will be studying devotedly. I will study by myself or with my friends. After final exam, I can go to Makassar, my hometown.

I am looking forward to going home. I am happy that I am going to gather with my parents and my brothers again. I miss many friends and I am also looking forward to meeting them. It will be very fun. The length of the break will be about 1 or 2 month.

We are reaching Ramadan month. Somehow, I feel like I am not ready. Hmm, there is something else. Astagfirullahaladzim. But, I feel happy about Ramadan month. It’s been always special. I hope I can do better in Ramadan month. There will be a lot self introspection. I hope I can learn, do Ibadah better, and become someone better. Amin

During the holiday, IMAM will make STAN admission test tryout. I was chosen as the head for publication and documentation. I actually have rejected the position. It will give me a big responsibility, then the seniors of IMAM encouraged me to do it and they also give me rational reason why they chose me to be the head of that division. Then, I take it. I hope the position will not be an obstacle for me to enjoy the holiday and Ramadan freely.

I feel sorry about my sparring and curriculum division of debating club of SEC. I did not do very well for the division. I think, we failed during the our first months to serve the debating community well. I am sorry.

I almost finish my first year in STAN. There have been a lot of things happen to me. I learnt a lot. There’s been many experiences, sweet ones and bitter ones. When I really have finished this first-year, I will be looking forward to start everything over again for the second-year. I want to develop myself better in next terms. The upcoming break will be a time for me to do the planning for my next terms in STAN.

Halo!

2011-07-08T21:50:00.001+07:00

I am doing good. Everything is all right. My classes schedule have been a little crazy. I have to attend classes morning to afternoon. It is a little bit tiring. I got sleepy while being in the class. Besides, there are several things that make me happy.

You

2011-07-07T07:26:00.001+07:00

It’s always you in my head. You never really out of my mind. You.

Bestfriend

2011-07-06T01:22:00.000+07:00

A best friend or true friend. I feel sad that things always change. I am afraid to lose one. I try to believe that true friends will be always there. They will always accompany you, in many ways.

Running and Learning

2011-07-05T11:53:00.001+07:00

Today is like running away or letting go something. It was like I tried to leave my bad thoughts or my bad circumstance by getting out of them. Running. It happened until the afternoon. The night was fun with the mentoring meeting. I got my self inspired and learning new knowledge.

I felt so sleepy during the accounting class. I could not understand what Bu Keke was trying to make clear to the class. My mind was obviously could not bare investment on bond. In the break time after accounting class, I walked out of my campus area and headed to Indomaret to grab some food. Then, after getting myself full. I climbed the stair to the library, second floor of Gedung P. I opened my journal book and wrote some lines of what I just did and some thoughts. Then, I just stared at Bintaro street, to building, vehicles, and people down there. I was day dreaming.

The law class was also sleepy. I felt quite sleepy. I wished the chair where I was sitting was a soft mattress. I picked the chair in the back of the class wishing Mr. Boy, my lecturer, would not see me sleepy-ing. I think the other students were blocking his view. After the class, I went home. When I say home, I mean the house on Keramik street, Pondok Jaya. I was back to campus at 1.50 PM for civics class.

I ran fast in my campus corridor. It was after civics class. The class was very boring and I had some terrible thoughts in my mind. I felt bad. In the class, I was sitting next to big window. The class was a lectural theatre and it was second floor. If i would not die after jumping thru the window, i would really do it. Having got out of the class, I ran. My mood was so bad. I was running to the west, leaving the boredom. I was trying to heal my mood and it worked :) Perhaps, I am gonna try to run again when I got dizzy.

I attended mentoring meeting tonight. It was fun. I think better than last meeting. I listened to the my mentor and my mentor-mates. Everyone was a teacher for each other. It was like feeding my mind with fresh good thoughts. I was learning. I am grateful.

My running was also inspired by Life is Life video clip of Noah and The Whale. This picture is a photograph from an old national geographic magazine that I re-photographed. The kids in the picture are running. The title of the article is In touch with the nature. I want to do such thing, running in the nature.

My Journal Book

2011-07-04T23:29:00.001+07:00

I was going to sleep. Tomorrow will be hectic. There will be three subjects and a meeting. I will be in my campus until afternoon, perhaps until 6 PM. So, I think I am going to sleep earlier than usual to get ready for tomorrow.

Then, I get inspired. I got up. I took my journal. I listed all my problems on goals that I have not succeeded. I list them one by one. I have been so not-organized recently. I promise to be organized. I promise my self to always write my journal, to record my schedule, my thoughts and inspirations there. I promise to make my goals. I have set their due date. I promise. I promise. I promise to work harder, study harder, mind my mind better. I will live better. :)

my journal book

Home

2011-07-04T00:43:00.001+07:00

I am thinking of home now. Makassar is my home. My house is there. My family live there. I have many friends there, closed ones. But then, thinking of home, I asked my self, ‘What makes home feels home?’

Then, I see. Home is not always about a place. It’s about the people. They are family and friends. That’s what make home feels home. Being with my desired or loved ones is home.

sweetnes

2011-07-02T23:17:00.006+07:00

they think i am completely innocent. i don't think they really know me. i am strange. i am different. i can be so calm, so safe, so kind, so friendly, a religious one. but, i can be mad. i can break all the rules, be wild. but it rarely happens. i wont kill. i am not hurtful.

i am now sitting my self. typing for this blog, things that i should have done regularly.

my head feels so light, an effect of cigarette i just had, i think so. a friend just taught me how to enjoy cigarette better, inhale the smoke twice. first, you inhale it into your mouth, then let it flow into your throat. inhale it maximally. feel it. then, let the smoke out. its enjoyable.

there’s something sweet. its fragrant. its enjoyable. its comfortable. but, things always change. so do the sweetness. the sweet would not last forever. you may feel pain because the sweetness has gone. you could wonder when it will happen again. but, soon or later, the sweetness comes again to you. bitter is the opposite of sweet. they’re life. they come and go.

Asymmetry

2011-06-13T17:40:00.001+07:00

Things always change. I red that somewhere. Well, It really happens. I used to walking home with a friend, now he goes north, I go south oppositely. I used to think smoking is pointless, now I smoke cigarette sometimes. I wanted to join my class holiday to Anyer. Now, I am not interested at all. My classmates are going to Anyer this weekend, I am not joining them. I was going to quit the debating club in my campus. I did not quit eventually. Now, I am one of its staffs in sparring and curriculum division. Changes, changes, changes.

Yesterday, I called my father. He is dong okay. I told him to take care of himself, to start smoke less cigarettes and to start exercising. He said to me that he is now exercising, just like me, he likes jogging. It is good. Good.

It was 10 PM. Anya texted me. I ever went steady with her. She asked me, “Are you Sleeping?”. “I am dreaming, haha. Are you okay?” I replied. At 1 AM, I red her reply, “I can’t sleep”. I replied again, “Try not to think about anything…”. First, somehow I just think that I need a girl beside me. She will cheer me up. Second, it is too easy to suggest her to think less. It is very easy to me to say so to people, to take something easier, while I actually have that problem too. I am thinking about many things over and over again recently, until I get depressed, especially about relationship.

Do you miss somebody? I do miss some people. I want to meet them. I want to talk to them. I want to share my stories to them. I want to be with them. Just wondering, when it will happen.

Kak Sadimin advised me to keep my dream and to keep developing it. Sure, I will keep my dream and do things to reach it. Dream really motivates me when I am down, just like people I love.

Good Morning!

2011-06-12T07:44:00.001+07:00

Hello, world. Good morning. I got up this morning, and I realized that I still think about a thing, about relationship. That thing really drives me crazy. I think it over and over again, but I know I should have taken it easy. But, yeah, it is hard to do so. So, I took a walk to indomaret this morning, bought some breads, make my milk, and now i am having my breakfast while listening to my favorite music.

Today is my father’s birthday. He was born in 1964. So, bye, I wanna call my father. Have a great sunday! :)

Untitled

2011-06-11T22:14:00.001+07:00

IMAMers Smiles from Cibodas

2011-06-11T17:41:00.001+07:00

A Trip to Purwokerto

2011-06-11T17:05:00.001+07:00

Management Seminar

2011-05-29T14:41:00.003+07:00

I, Zakris and Cahya attended a management seminar of Universitas Bakrie last day . The event title is Manage Your Own Business Risk' . It was held in Balairung Kiani, Menara Hijau, South Jakarta. The speakers were two top director of two big companies in Indonesia and the moderator was Tina Talisa. It was a very inspiring seminar. It is not just applicable to business but also to every day’s life. I thank Kak Rijal for inviting me to the seminar.

I had a great day with Zakris and Cahya. We enjoy walking around some places in south Jakarta, before and after the seminar. We got inspired and had fun.

Cahya, Kak Rijal, Me, and Zakris

Midterm Examination

2011-05-29T14:26:00.003+07:00

Finally, my midterm examination is over. It was difficult and making me sleepless. I don't think it is good enough. I did not do my very best effort. I ruined my microeconomics examination. This is bad. I will have to fix it by study harder in the next lecture meetings and do as good as possible in the final term examination. It’s over. I keep moving on and keep motivated to do better next time :)

UTS

2011-05-26T22:11:00.000+07:00

Sad

2011-05-21T21:32:00.000+07:00

Last day was sad. I got a sad news from my hometown. My uncle, Om Suaib, has passed away. He left three children and a wife and a big family. I am really sad. I could not hold my tears when my mother talked to me in the phone telling me the news. It is even sad because my family gathered in Maroangin while I was just stuck here in, Bintaro. I felt like wanna catch a flight and go there. Last week, it was my cat. It died. This week, it is my uncle who passed away. We never know when we will die.

New Loved Ones

2011-05-21T21:19:00.000+07:00

at times when i need you

i feel like i am bleeding from my eyes

and i cry

save me

text: toro y moi - new loved ones

picture: francis bacon - the battleship potemkin

A Few Words of My Birthday

2011-05-17T14:12:00.000+07:00

15 Mei 1991 - 15 Mei 2011

Saya 20 tahun dan saya bahagia. I feel great. I feel content. Alhamdulillah!

Panda

2011-05-14T20:38:00.000+07:00

Your life was short but happy. May you rest in peace. All love from Junaibs for you.

Lab. Pengantar Akuntansi

2011-05-12T20:24:00.001+07:00

While Being in a Sleepy Classroom

2011-05-11T23:56:00.000+07:00

Semoga Lekas Sembuh

2011-05-11T04:22:00.000+07:00

Last day, for the first time, I did not attend the principle of accounting II class. I decide to do so, because I felt so weak and sleepy. At 9 I walked to my campus and headed to the policlinic. The doctor asked me several questions. I told her that I have been having flu for more than ten days. I also got cough since last three days. I have taken medicine, but they do not really work for my cough and influenza. 20 minutes later, I walked out the policlinic with the some new medicines. it is written on the medicine plastic bag: “Semoga Lekas Sembuh”. Thank you, I hope so.

White Dog of Neighbor

2011-05-11T04:10:00.000+07:00

Microcosmic

2011-05-09T23:11:00.003+07:00

Hello.

You are reading my microcosmic. it is about me – what happened to me, what i thought, and other things recently.

I am doing okay. I have cough and cold. But, I will recover soon. The midterm test is ahead. Compared to the previous term, I don't get worried. I just feel calm and optimistic. It is good to feel so. There are still some subjects that I have not mastered but it is okay. I am going to restudy them.

I am happy that the series of rendezvous event has ended. Being the secretary for the event was tiring since the jobs given to me were always sudden. I think the members of the committee lacked of organization experience. We did not collaborate well when working. The event was not held optimally. It finished and the substantial goal of the event –at least- reached.

Meanwhile, IMAM is going to have Makrab. It will be held on 4th & 5th June 2011 in Cibodas. It will be fun. My class makrab is postponed to the following week after IMAM’s makrab. The purpose of makrab is to strengthen the bond of organization members. I hope all the first year students of IMAM would attend this program so we can work together well when we run IMAM, replacing the current management. For my class, Pemaaf, I hope, makrab will strengthen our solidarity. Honestly, I am not so excited with Pemaaf makrab. I know what’s going to happen. 2/5 of the class is trying to do the good things, while many others are apathetic.

I learn everyday to live better and to be a better one. Every day is a lesson :)

My Thought

2011-05-07T20:28:00.004+07:00

We are free to do anything we want. I do believe that. We are free to do what we want to do. We are not robots. We are not programmed. There are a lot of people act exactly like robot. They deny that they have decision to take. Let us just break the bond in the society we live in and live the way we want to be.

I created these in my second year in high school. It was based on idea of living free, not robotic.

click the robot to animate it

Still life!

2011-05-02T18:55:00.000+07:00

First, I think I am getting improved and more resourceful. That’s satisfying. Second, I will be 20 year old in 13 days. Just like when I reached 19, I think getting older is serious. I want to be wiser. This is not really important, but I want to get bigger-and-stronger and look a bit more mature! Ha-ha. I am 19 already but my friends say I look younger. I don't even have moustache yet! Well, looking a bit more mature is not important. I am happy with the nature of me

…

Beside attending lecture class, I had other activities. Several days before, on Wednesday, I got busy with Rendezvous committee. Despite lacking of human-resources, I and the small committee successfully have have hold the candidates open debate in students plaza. I attended some trainings, journalistic training and communication skill training in my campus, and got inspired by them.

Anyway, I have to finish a paper on management. I wish I had had ‘Paper’ lecture subject in the first term so I have the skil to finish assignment like paper easily. My class movie project is postponed. But, I got a new project with writing club.I get cold and always forget to buy medicine. The midterm examination is coming closer.

…

Last day, I participated in a committee for the event called Rihlah. It was held by the Muslim STAN-students organization in my neighborhood, Perumahan Pondok Jaya. In Rihlah, we took about a hundred kids to the Ragunan zoo. It was very fun!

Upcoming Midterm Examination

2011-04-26T11:26:00.005+07:00

Here comes the new week! All students, included me, are back to the classroom again, after three days holiday. The midterms is getting closer. In less than 20 days, my college will hold the midterm examination. I have to more focus, more studios!Haha. For some people, studying sounds and feels boring, perhaps. But, I am excited!

Ahyah, It is raining outside. Perfect time to get rested and listen to ambient music :)

I took these photos last day in intro-tax class.

Keep Growing and Moving On

2011-04-24T08:07:00.003+07:00

It’s been 35 days since I left Makassar last month. Now, I do my activities as a student in here. The lecture classes run quite well. I have not missed any class. The lecture substances are not so difficult. I can handle them. I was very excited for this second term. I want to gain score to get high GPA. After one first week, I was tired and less excited. I realized that being tired and less-excited are obstacles to my goal. Now, even tough the activities of going to campus and attending lectures are tiring, I always keep my self motivated and excited. I exercise regularly, by jogging, to keep my self health and less tired.

I study everyday. I don't want to study only if the examination is getting closer. Studying this way is more efficient and effective. I don't need to hurry, I can study slowly but I am sure it makes me master lecture substance effectively. I also try to do my homework right away. It is rather difficult since I also have non-academic activities, but I try my best.

I and some friends from English club are working for Rendezvous. It is an annual event to elect a new president of the club and also to hold a meeting on annual report of English club committee. It is going to be held in Situ Gintung, on May 7 & 8 2011. I and several friends (my classmates) have a project. We are going to make a short movie. We currently prepare the concept and the cast. After finished, the movie will be shown in our class holiday, in Anyer, Banten, in early June 2011. Thru the movie, we aim to encourage our friends to keep motivated to study hard. So, the movie should be inspiring. IMAM is also going to have a holiday program. We are going to have a vacation to Puncak, right after mid-term examination. I join the committee. I join a team whose role is to prepare the items of activities we will do during the vacation.

A friend of mine invited me to join a weekly mentoring. It is a Islamic mentoring for first-year students in my neighborhood, Perumahan Pondok Jaya. Now, I have been three times attending the mentoring. It’s great. In the mentoring meeting we will recite Al-Quran, then the mentor will give us short lesson on specific theme such as Ibadah or amal. We also have a chance to discuss lessons and to share our activities within the last week. I learn a lot from mentoring, including how to live well according to Islam.

I want to be involve in more activities in my campus. There are many kind of clubs, groups and various interests. I would like to join students auditing board in my campus. The board give us a chance to learn the process of auditing from this organization. I believe, it will be useful when I work in the future. I have not learned auditing. It is too early, perhaps. In my campus curriculum, the students with Accounting specialization like me will learn commercial auditing and governmental auditing in the third year (semester 5 & 6). But, it is okay. I think it will be not that difficult to learn auditing even if I am still a first year student. Perhaps, the recruitment will be in next June. I hope the board will accept my application to join them.

I will keep growing. I will keep developing my self. I am reaching a better stage. I will keep moving on :)

Untitled

2011-04-13T19:37:00.002+07:00

Routine

2011-04-12T22:30:00.002+07:00

I am doing my routines well. I walk to campus, attend lecture classes, meet my classmates, study, walk back to home, take a rest, do homework, and pray. The weather has become drier recently. In the midday, the temperature feels so hot. I need to do more exercises on accounting, I also have to read my textbooks.

Anger

2011-04-12T22:08:00.002+07:00

I have a really bad emotion and temper lately. I easily feel angry. I don’t understand whether it only comes from myself or it comes from out of my self. I think I feel angry towards my circumstance,people around me. I am not showing my anger to people. I keep it myself inside me. I do not know why this is happening. Normally, I am so patient even if some people hurts me. I think selfishness, or maybe more correctly assertiveness, is growing inside my heart. I am infuriated by how people treat others. Many people, including people exist in my daily routine, only care about their selves. They only seek for they interests. They do not give attention to others feeling and needs properly. I always care about other people. I feel bad if seeing somebody is in difficulty. I think I can feel very well other people feelings. But, not many people do what I am doing. Not many people live with the idealism that we should help and care to each other. Yes, not so many people are that bad. I meet good people too in my life. Such people are rarely to meet. They are so good and I will not forget such people. I would like to live with good people, who seeks not for their own interest, but also to help other, to make other people happy, out of difficulty.

Perhaps, I should be more assertive to protect my interest. I think I have been too patient. Many times, I sacrifice my interest for other people interest. As long as it is normal for both me and people, I will try to protect my owns, I will also protect other people who is treated unfairly by others. We have to be more assertive. Well, I do not know what I am thinking now. Perhaps, I am in the middle of a mental crisis. Perhaps, I have to be wiser on seeing this problem, but clearly, I am working on being more assertive. And hey people, please don’t only care about yourself, we live together, don't we?

Random

2011-04-10T20:50:00.013+07:00

I went to Festival Sinema Prancis last day. I went there along with my friends. I was excited! The movie was La Fille du Rer or The Girl on the Train. In Indonesian, it can be roughly translated as “Gadis di atas Kereta”. It is a good movie, I like the story and the characters. It also conveys a particular message. Beside the movie, I also like the crowds attending the movie show. Somewhat, different.

Emotion

2011-04-09T23:34:00.000+07:00

I recite al-Quran regularly and do the prayers punctually. Alhamdulillah. I also exercise regularly, making me fit and feel well. Despite those things, I have terrible emotion-fluctuation. My emotion goes up and down. Sometimes, I feel peaceful. Sometimes, the thought of my past memories, the future, the relationship and dreams are running in my head, many times making me feel bad. I don't feel so satisfied with my achievements and productivity. There is just one way to solve it, catch the achievement I want, and adjust my life like I dream. I am working on it. But, everything is going well anyway. I mean, my routines. The best thing is my routines are well arranged, like my bed time and get-up time, simple thing like that. I believe things are getting better :)

Dreams

2011-04-08T06:51:00.003+07:00

I am seeing torn-pieces of my dreams. But, I am not going to give up. I will work hard to get them. I am back to the path of my dreams.

Meetings

2011-03-31T06:43:00.008+07:00

I had two meetings two days ago, which are both different, and they have different impression to me. The first one was the meeting of my classmates. As we facing the new term, we talked about how was the performance of chosen students who manage our class, like the class president, the supervisor of education, the supervisor of religion, sport, living environment, and social. First, the students were asked how was their performance, then we talked about things that we should to improve to our productivity and what new program we should apply to our class, for the second term.

I joined to the ministry of education in my class. Iyai is the minister, and I will work as his staff. Zakris also joined the team. Our aims are to encourage all the students in our class to be more active and productive. We want to make sure that each student has good understanding on lecture items, and to ensure that everyone in the class get secure score to pass for the next term. To reach our goals we will do approaches to the lecturers and to our classmates. We shall encourage our classmates to mix with everyone, especially those who tend to be apathetic.

I like doing such good thing. I want to help my classmates. I want each student in my class could improve themselves. No one should left behind, and we can cooperate to maximize our productivity. So, I, Iyai, and Zakris will work for them. We do that because we care.

In my class meeting

In the same day, I had another meeting which is not-so-pleasant. It was in a club of my campus. As I haven’t been well-mixed with them, I ended in the meeting as a listener. I even feel uncomfortable because it was as if was not noticed. They talk and I didn’t involve, because they strongly looked like not needing my comments. So, I just kept silent. I don't like how the hold the meeting. I was mildly annoyed. But, it passed quickly.

I think they tend to be -. I feel like wanting to leave the club, but I am staying. I need to improve my skill on many things related to it is the good way to achieve that, so I will stay. Second, I wont leave something just because I don’t fit with it. if I don't fit with it, then I will try to adjust my self or adjust the condition. I think that is the quality of being resourceful.

I know many things in my surrounding are not fit with my idealism. I think people should always welcome and appreciate others. But, that’s not always happen. If we are in a unpleasant circumstance. We should not let it affect our feeling and our ideal beliefs. My idealism is based on positive attitude and action.

The meetings are different. In one, I can be active and really involve in it. I can freely share my ideas and i am excited. While, in another one I feel like being not appreciated and I was mildly annoyed. But, yes, this is the world. Sometimes it hurts and when it does, keep smiling and keep in your thoughts. Don’t let unpleasant circumstance turns your world upside down :)

Futsal Cup

2011-03-27T22:05:00.003+07:00

IMAM had an event today. It was a futsal matches, IMAM Futsal Cup 4. I am not good at soccer, so I did not join the futsal squad of the first year student. Instead, I volunteered my self as a time keeper for the matches and taking photographs as the documentations. I like doing that. The matches took circa 5 hours and the third year student team is the first winner. The first year students team is the runner up! They defeated the seniors teams, even alumni teams.

Weekend

2011-03-27T00:03:00.002+07:00

It’s me. It’s weekend.

Wow, it’s been almost 6 days of me being in Bintaro. It feels so so long. But, I am enjoying my life. Everything is going well. All the new lecturers seemed kind. I have got convivial lecturers and also an antics lecturer. I am pretty optimist I can do better in this second term. Well, I have been quite ambitious and will keep being like that. I spent more time by reading my lecture text books. I want to develop and discover my potential. I hope I will keep doing okay. Happy weekend everyone!

my goal is to reach my goals

Lamps

2011-03-26T22:15:00.000+07:00

A Photograph by Wanda. We think and agree that Polaroids photographs are special, warm, classic, and sentimental.

Way to Airport

2011-03-23T23:39:00.002+07:00

I took these photos when I and my parents and my brother were on our way to Sultan Hasanuddin airport. I was going Back to Bintaro, leaving Makassar.

Untitled

2011-03-23T23:33:00.003+07:00

The First Four Lecturers of Our Class

2011-03-22T23:11:00.001+07:00

Having met with the first four lecturers, I am pretty optimistic that this whole second term will be better than the last term. I believe it will be enjoyable and fun. It is because the lecturers are convivial instead too serious or even scary and intimidating. The lecturers could make us smile or even laugh in the class session. With such situation, I believe it will consequently affect my study result in the end of this term. I am glad.

Now, perhaps this is a good strange thing happened to me, I am excited with Accounting! Ha-ha. I believe this is also because the lecturer factor. I see accounting is challenging and will be easy.

Sad News

I felt terribly sorry that our friend, Ical, could not continue for the second term. He had been dropped out. I could not understand how could that happened to him. He is quite studios and diligent. I got information that he was dropped out because his IP score could not meet the standard IP score to continue to the second term. I never thought it will happen to him. It is so sad :(. He is still reluctant to communicate with us (IMAM).

12 PM

2011-03-21T12:46:00.001+07:00

I am now in Bintaro again. I am back to the lecture class routine. It feels so quite today, almost lonesome. I walked to my campus. I am happy that I can be in my campus again. The first class of this term ran smoothly. It was Introductory Taxation, started at 8 PM. The lecturer, Mr. Hendri Kurniawan, seemed kind and sociable. The atmosphere of the class was not really serious. He was not a threatening lecturer. This is a good sign. The class ended circa 10.15 Am. I think I could easily understood the subject. I hope the other lecturer will be as kind as him and the others subjects will be easily understandable. After the class, I went to the library. Unusually, the library was full of students. They obviously are looking for the handbooks needed for the this new term. I took four book and went home.

I think this is going to be monotonous. I will go to campus attending class, then walking home, and then studying, then sleeping, then a new day will come, and I will repeat the same actions in the morning. It is lucky that I will have free time on Friday to Sunday. I just have lecture classes on Monday to Thursday. In the first term, my score of IP is 3.26. I feel very satisfied with such score. I want to get higher IP for this term. I will study harder. It sounds very boring but I enjoy it. Ha-ha.

It is 12 PM. Hustles. Working. Lunching. Studying. Writing. Here and there, the people are busy.